[Even just her pulse could be making things harder, she realizes again when she can feel it quicken, both their nerves climbing. She shudders out an exhale, but holds her breath after to hopefully bring it back down, but mostly because she can tell how tense he's getting. He didn't want her to touch dried blood on his clothes. He wanted to keep a blanket between them. She's sure he wouldn't want her to breathe him in. It helps that she's still getting the path from her brain and her tongue on track, so there's no impulse to inhale in preparation of words.
Assured that he isn't, at least, going to push her away, Ryder loosens her grip on his clothes so that she can instead wrap her arms fully around him and shift to rest the side of her head on his chest instead. He doesn't have the same obvious traitor inside him, his heart dead and still instead of flip-flopping all over the place stupidly. Her eyes close and she pretends she can hear it anyway, own pulse serving as his for her imagination.]
...It's not fair.
[It's not news. None of it is fair, and everyone knows that already. It's the apocalypse, after all. But this -- Teo especially -- isn't fair in the least. Why him and not her? Why couldn't she know him before, so that maybe she could remember what he'd forgotten, or she could have become a better person than the one here now? Why did he have to feel so much for them all, every body whether there was life there or not? Why was he alone except for her?
How, despite all that, can he still manage to be like this?]
I just -- ...You're good. [Her heart hurts. She should probably breathe again soon. The thought makes her hug him tighter, reluctant to let go now that she's made it this far.] I wish you -- I'm just glad.
[That he isn't like the others, no matter who those "others" were.
She wishes she could do more without making him even more scared, Also without looking like a crazy person, frankly, because they just met, and he's missing chunks of himself both physically and mentally. Putting the "strange" in stranger, huh... Good work, Ry.]
I wanted -- to hold you. You're so good, I think -- I think you might not be real. So I-I wanted...
[But she's out of air, having forced herself to talk, to try to explain herself and all the feelings that she isn't sure how to name. It's time to step back again.]
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Assured that he isn't, at least, going to push her away, Ryder loosens her grip on his clothes so that she can instead wrap her arms fully around him and shift to rest the side of her head on his chest instead. He doesn't have the same obvious traitor inside him, his heart dead and still instead of flip-flopping all over the place stupidly. Her eyes close and she pretends she can hear it anyway, own pulse serving as his for her imagination.]
...It's not fair.
[It's not news. None of it is fair, and everyone knows that already. It's the apocalypse, after all. But this -- Teo especially -- isn't fair in the least. Why him and not her? Why couldn't she know him before, so that maybe she could remember what he'd forgotten, or she could have become a better person than the one here now? Why did he have to feel so much for them all, every body whether there was life there or not? Why was he alone except for her?
How, despite all that, can he still manage to be like this?]
I just -- ...You're good. [Her heart hurts. She should probably breathe again soon. The thought makes her hug him tighter, reluctant to let go now that she's made it this far.] I wish you -- I'm just glad.
[That he isn't like the others, no matter who those "others" were.
She wishes she could do more without making him even more scared, Also without looking like a crazy person, frankly, because they just met, and he's missing chunks of himself both physically and mentally. Putting the "strange" in stranger, huh... Good work, Ry.]
I wanted -- to hold you. You're so good, I think -- I think you might not be real. So I-I wanted...
[But she's out of air, having forced herself to talk, to try to explain herself and all the feelings that she isn't sure how to name. It's time to step back again.]