[What is she doing? What the fuck is she doing? She doesn't have an answer for herself as she debates for the millionth time just leaving. She has her phone in her hand, thumb hovering over the contact -- but in the end, Ryder groans at herself and puts it back into her pocket.
Then she takes it out again to look herself over in the camera app, makes some miserable sort of whimper-grumble, and puts it away. Fine. Fine!! She looks weird and uncomfortable and is probably not at all pretty or cute or anything, but it wasn't like that mattered at all. The person she's meeting isn't really there out of interest in her. She's paying him to see her. Humiliating. ...And it wasn't like that, either! The only reason she tried to put on a nicer top and do her makeup at all was so she might fit the setting a little better. She didn't realize that she'd feel so out of place no matter what, ruining any attempt she had at making herself a little more tolerable to talk to. That was the real reason for all this.]
Waste of money, [she mumbles to herself, finger-combing her hair down over her face. She didn't even have all much money to waste, after being fired again for not being a good fit or having a bad attitude, whatever. As she looks around before pushing her way into the restaurant, Ryder forces herself to accept it. She's so terrible at finding a way to be good company that she has to pay someone to be around her...because as much as she hates to admit it, she's lonely as fuck. She just...needs someone to look at her while they talk to her. Someone to validate the thought that she's still alive besides the voice of her mother over the phone.]
[As she's led to a table, horrified to find it's somewhere in the middle, apparently, Ryder wonders if she'd rather be the first to arrive and get settled, or for the escort guy already be there... Awh fuck, and she should've used a fake name. People don't use their actual fucking names for this shit! Stupid, stupid!]
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Then she takes it out again to look herself over in the camera app, makes some miserable sort of whimper-grumble, and puts it away. Fine. Fine!! She looks weird and uncomfortable and is probably not at all pretty or cute or anything, but it wasn't like that mattered at all. The person she's meeting isn't really there out of interest in her. She's paying him to see her. Humiliating. ...And it wasn't like that, either! The only reason she tried to put on a nicer top and do her makeup at all was so she might fit the setting a little better. She didn't realize that she'd feel so out of place no matter what, ruining any attempt she had at making herself a little more tolerable to talk to. That was the real reason for all this.]
Waste of money, [she mumbles to herself, finger-combing her hair down over her face. She didn't even have all much money to waste, after being fired again for not being a good fit or having a bad attitude, whatever. As she looks around before pushing her way into the restaurant, Ryder forces herself to accept it. She's so terrible at finding a way to be good company that she has to pay someone to be around her...because as much as she hates to admit it, she's lonely as fuck. She just...needs someone to look at her while they talk to her. Someone to validate the thought that she's still alive besides the voice of her mother over the phone.]
Mm -- M-Mor -- [Great start.] Mmorris f-for two, I'm -- meeting someone?
[As she's led to a table, horrified to find it's somewhere in the middle, apparently, Ryder wonders if she'd rather be the first to arrive and get settled, or for the escort guy already be there... Awh fuck, and she should've used a fake name. People don't use their actual fucking names for this shit! Stupid, stupid!]