[She should start giving him an additional $20 every time she makes him apologize, Ryder thinks briefly, then after giving it a couple seconds more to settle, she adjusts it down to $1. This outing wasn't exactly gentle on her bank account, and he'd had to apologize for plenty of things that weren't his fault already. There's no need to go completely broke. Depending on how many more times it happens, she'll have to decide how seriously she wants to stick to this silent resolution.]
Nnn... She knows -- everything. Almost. [Again, what Ryder's decided to spend her money on this evening is going to stay private. For the next ten years, at least. After that, maybe? It was tough to keep secrets from Mom, even if they were mortifying. She'd...done everything she could for her. Of course Ryder would try to give everything back.
She'd probably prefer a new computer, though. Hm.] Don't think anyo-one can be liiike her.
[It really...makes a thought hit harder, and she frowns while she chews. Besides, it's starting to dawn on her that the parent talk is kind of bumming him out, maybe? That...isn't a surprise. Is it rude that she thinks "unhappy childhood" is a more than understandable backstory for a sex worker?]
Flaw -- in th-the human 'sperience. Can't t-t-talk unless they're -- friend. N-need to talk to mmm...mmake friends.
[Except...]
It's -- You, um. Th-that's not -- pity? You a-asked...before. About m-maybe being one.
[The F word she was just saying, but now feels like the verbal equivalent of skydiving with a child's kite.]
...You know I'm l-like th-this. I gave you -- outs. S-so maybe, um. Uh, but! I mean, I -- could try. S-so you m-might, um. [Oh god, what was she trying to say? Fuck, something something solidarity, or...something? That's too many somethings!] If you real-really didn't mind, then we...talk. H-how we're s'posed to.
[Except that it loops right back around to this guy being a stranger, she doesn't know him at all, if he knows her he won't want to be by her, a stranger was better, that's why she'd done this, but how was she supposed to be able to talk to him like he was anything like her mom, and how was she supposed to show him anything like that in return for his kindness she's buying?]
Fuck, my head hurts... [Thinking is hard. It's hard for the opposite reason as talking. Just...do the reverse. Reverse. Ryder squeezes her eyes shut and softly, swiftly mutters,] Don't laugh.
'I said, "I'll take the T-bone steak." A soft voice mooed, "Oh, wow." And I looked up and realized The waitress was a cow.
I cried, "Mistake -- forget the steak. I'll take the chicken then." I heard a cluck -- ''twas just my luck The busboy was a hen.
I said, "Okay, no fowl today. I'll have the seafood dish." Then I saw through the kitchen door The cook -- he was a fish.'
[She feels her thoughts calm and ebb enough to stop focusing on rattling the poem off, though while her face relaxes to show as much, she still doesn't open her eyes just yet. Less getting stuck in a loop.]
Okay. Okay. S'good. The, um, f-food. I d -- um, sorry if nothing's like what -- what y-you wanted.
[...also the...cutlery... It'll probably click in a second.
no subject
Nnn... She knows -- everything. Almost. [Again, what Ryder's decided to spend her money on this evening is going to stay private. For the next ten years, at least. After that, maybe? It was tough to keep secrets from Mom, even if they were mortifying. She'd...done everything she could for her. Of course Ryder would try to give everything back.
She'd probably prefer a new computer, though. Hm.] Don't think anyo-one can be liiike her.
[It really...makes a thought hit harder, and she frowns while she chews. Besides, it's starting to dawn on her that the parent talk is kind of bumming him out, maybe? That...isn't a surprise. Is it rude that she thinks "unhappy childhood" is a more than understandable backstory for a sex worker?]
Flaw -- in th-the human 'sperience. Can't t-t-talk unless they're -- friend. N-need to talk to mmm...mmake friends.
[Except...]
It's -- You, um. Th-that's not -- pity? You a-asked...before. About m-maybe being one.
[The F word she was just saying, but now feels like the verbal equivalent of skydiving with a child's kite.]
...You know I'm l-like th-this. I gave you -- outs. S-so maybe, um. Uh, but! I mean, I -- could try. S-so you m-might, um. [Oh god, what was she trying to say? Fuck, something something solidarity, or...something? That's too many somethings!] If you real-really didn't mind, then we...talk. H-how we're s'posed to.
[Except that it loops right back around to this guy being a stranger, she doesn't know him at all, if he knows her he won't want to be by her, a stranger was better, that's why she'd done this, but how was she supposed to be able to talk to him like he was anything like her mom, and how was she supposed to show him anything like that in return for his kindness she's buying?]
Fuck, my head hurts... [Thinking is hard. It's hard for the opposite reason as talking. Just...do the reverse. Reverse. Ryder squeezes her eyes shut and softly, swiftly mutters,] Don't laugh.
'I said, "I'll take the T-bone steak."
A soft voice mooed, "Oh, wow."
And I looked up and realized
The waitress was a cow.
I cried, "Mistake -- forget the steak.
I'll take the chicken then."
I heard a cluck -- ''twas just my luck
The busboy was a hen.
I said, "Okay, no fowl today.
I'll have the seafood dish."
Then I saw through the kitchen door
The cook -- he was a fish.'
[She feels her thoughts calm and ebb enough to stop focusing on rattling the poem off, though while her face relaxes to show as much, she still doesn't open her eyes just yet. Less getting stuck in a loop.]
Okay. Okay. S'good. The, um, f-food. I d -- um, sorry if nothing's like what -- what y-you wanted.
[...also the...cutlery... It'll probably click in a second.