'it was the beginning of the end' if they could see her now, what would the handful of AO3 users that had commented on her fanfics think with as cheesy an opener as that?
[Teo slowly, gradually, picks himself up and makes his way past Cecily and over to Ryder. His fingers find the edge of her shirt and hang on.]
Ryder... [He pleads her name, worried. For her, of course. He turns back to the others.] We just... want to live... Just want...
[Maybe that's not all true. A second ago his dead heart felt alight with some hope, the chance of fixing his whatever went wrong in his past. The chance of a future. Now, he feels lost again. Cecily looks thrown off herself.]
You want to get rid of me?
[There's a pause and a scowl on Maddy's part.]
You wanted normal. This is it. Or would be.
[Cecily stares her down a moment, her expression twisting. She gives a shake of her head.]
She's right. You're being an asshole. But big surprise there, huh?
[Maddy doesn't flinch. Cecily breathes deep and turns to face the other Ryder.]
He's going to want us to come back, to confirm with him. You too. I know it sucks but... I can do the exchange alone after that and you won't have to deal with any of us ever again.
[Teo does what he always does. He helps her slow down and see the world beyond herself again. In that moment he shows her, her view expands and she's able to see Cecily as someone with her own thoughts and desires instead of being just another facet of the nebulous "them". So...she remembered a "normal", even though she was raised for this. She wanted "normal" again. Ryder lets her fists unclench and she slides her gaze back to Teo, brow furrowing as she tried to imagine him pawning her off on these people because it was for her own good -- competent, living people that could keep her safe, instead of his infection changing how she could live and bringing dangers she hadn't expected. She could see him thinking something dumb like that, if she wasn't so clearly incompatible with other survivors. The thought hurts.
...Still, Cecily couldn't stay with them, even if they wanted the same thing. Cecily being around meant no more days lazing about on a mattress or making the most of an abandoned kitchen. No more quietly reading like there wasn't a broken world on the other side of the wall. No more Teo being comfortable enough to let her see the most valuable weapons he had -- the teeth he hid with the gaiter and the heart that could empathize with the dead around them.
She wants to curl up beside him, bury her face in, and apologize until he knew she meant it. She shouldn't have snapped at the girls, or dismissed Cecily as a person, or spoken as if her harsh words were meant from the both of them and he didn't have his own right to decide these things. She can't, and doesn't think she could even if they were just the two of them the way it was supposed to be. Stomping down that feeling, Ryder steadies herself with a few more slow breaths. Her heart is still pounding at the walls of her ribs like they held onto all the anger that had boiled over before.]
...Fine. [Her mouth opens, more bitter words about how she would only play along if Maddy stopped treating them like fucking prisoners, but decides better with a sigh and a look away. It didn't matter. It was the way it had to be, if they wanted to get their lives back. With no enthusiasm, Ryder switches gears back into the lie she'd thought of too late. Maybe it would...help, somehow, even if it wasn't true. Or rather, there was truth to it in more ways than one, but it wasn't the right answer to satisfy Maddy's agitation.] ...Arrows. Teo -- uses a bow. Hard to mmm-make. Dig 'em back -- out, w-when s'safe. Don't do that again.
[It's a genius idea. He would tell her so if they were only alone. He wishes so bad that they were alone. He wishes he were braver, so it didn't feel like Ryder was doing all the fighting for him. He wishes altogether that he were better for her.
But wishes aren't going to change anything right now. He bobs his head to confirm Ryder's story.]
Try to keep... as many as... I can... No time for... finding more...
[Maddy frowns, her eyes narrowing a little at both he and Ryder. He's not sure if she believes it. But what other answer would there be? Him being a functioning undead is unthinkable, even when the evidence is right there.
Maddy turns away from them all. Her fists are tight at her sides.]
Cecily. Head back early before he realizes you've slipped watch.
[Cecily scowls at Maddy, but even aside that, there's a shine to her eyes like she's fighting something down. It doesn't quite leave even when she turns a weak grin on them.]
See you guys soon. Pretend we haven't met, okay? The old man's a real dick about stuff like this.
[She darts out quick and fluid. There's a quiet to her steps just like Maddy, trained and careful no matter how much more normal she might try to behave.]
We'll go in a few more minutes, so she has the head start.
[Cecily turns to them and Ryder can feel the fact that she'll be leaving them before she says her goodbye. It was how it had to be, sure, and it wasn't like she'd expected anything otherwise...plus there was the fact that she'd been internally yelling at the sisters to get the fuck out already. But holy fuck, does she wish Cecily would stay. Don't leave us here with her? her eyes might convey, with how intensely she's staring at the space where Cecily used to be. Why is this happening? Is this her punishment for thinking about fingering a mouth gash? That's probably it.
Ryder's shoulders slacken a bit and there's a strange groaned, growled exhalation of her resigning herself once again to this situation. Ugh, she wants to crawl inside Teo's ribcage and sleep there for a decade.]
So... Th'fuck's your problem?
[In general, but also: gesturing to the door? That Cecily deal?? Hello???]
You pull -- that shit and wanna -- talk shit a-about my partner?
[Yes, amazing topic to pass the time for the next few minutes.]
[Maddy doesn't look at them, or even at Cecily as she goes. Her arms are folded over her chest. Her face is carefully blank but Teo can see the set in her jaw, especially as Ryder speaks. He shuffles closer to the latter.
For a long moment, it doesn't seem like Maddy's going to say anything at all.]
...Cecily is talented. She's a good shot and in our old days she could take on even the toughest jobs with ease. But being skilled isn't the same as being fit for this.
Our father has high standards. He also doesn't need two soldiers, as you put it. We were trained from the beginning to take one another on in the case of a mistake. There's no room for weakness or hesitation in our work. We have to be ready to do what must be done.
Cecily isn't ready. She wants a different life bad enough that it makes her sloppy. Our father isn't afraid to cull one from the herd for the sake of a stronger herd. I was the one to cut down those who turned against Cecily and I. But there is no one left.
[She doesn't say it, but with the full horrifying picture made clearer, Teo realizes that he and Ryder aren't the only ones in danger. His hand finds Ryder's sleeve, gripping tight.]
There are plenty she could be useful to, but she needs people who are useful to her as well. [Maddy turns to them, expression flat, maybe even a little resentful that they couldn't be the people Maddy was hoping they'd be.] It was a shot in the dark. I can't be surprised it didn't hit.
[As on-edge as she is, Ryder is paying less attention to the woman than she should be. It's her fault for dismissing her as some villain about to go on some self-indulgent garbage only worthy of an eyeroll in return. Even before Teo makes his own investment known, though, she's frowning back in her direction, brows pulled down to narrowed eyes to make it clear that it's an expression of anger more than confusion.]
Dude, fuck your dad. [Is she stupid? She's probably stupid. (Is "she" supposed to be Ryder or Maddy? Yes. But mostly Ryder, because she isn't considering that this is exactly the kind of offense that would have gotten them in trouble, were it there group. Good thing they're just inept idiots that probably relied on luck more than skill, right?)] Seriously? He's th-the one -- turning against you. Fucked up your whole l-life! Who th'fuck he think -- he is? The two of y-you can leave.
[Like, Ryder is also thinking that they should kill the guy, but seeing as he's not her dad, it's not exactly her call to make.]
You know w-what you're doing... You -- can just leave. A-and live.
[Maddy looks at Ryder, staring her directly in the eyes. But her expression is more blank than it is a challenge.]
You think he's just going to roll over? Let both his soldiers go, his life's work, and shrug it off? Or are you suggesting that the person who trained us is going to be that easy to get the jump on?
[If it had been a challenge, it would've been one Maddy lost. She looks down at the floor, her arms folded.]
Besides. I am fit for this. The person Cecily wants me to be doesn't exist.
Don't think... any person's... fit... for something like that...
The zombies seem fine with it.
If you think that... you haven't... really been seeing them...
[Maddy scoffs at that. As if she wants to get any closer to a bunch of raging hungry corpses. Frankly, this whole experience just adds to her point. She's not friendly-normal-person material.]
[Ryder lifts her hands, seems to realize that she doesn't have words to talk with so her hands shouldn't talk either, puts them down, then raises them again in exasperation before turning around to look at Teo. Or, more accurately, at a little wrinkle in his gaiter. Nice and safe, this little wrinkle.]
I'm just -- going to pretend I'm not talking to you! [She might be able to get words out better that way. ...Doubtful, since it's still her dumbass brain stringing the words together and she's still wound the fuck up. But: not talking to Maddy. Already this is an improvement.] S-so we've got -- these sisters, and one of 'em is either gonna -- die because zombies because her heart -- i'nt in it, or because Daddy said so after seeing -- her heart not being in it.
And then the other's trying to get rid of her so she doesn't have to get rid of her because she's -- the one that matters. Wants to protect her. From her dad. Only, if he sees that -- wouldn't he just fucking kill 'em both? Because then sh-she's more than the mission, to the one that kills people with stuff more than -- than the mission.
And if that is the case, then they can live and be miserable until they -- die, or they can leave and live until they die. Or maybe they can -- just live.
[If she's still alive and getting to dip her toe into what living is like again thanks to Teo, a certified miracle, the wonder before her eyes, the most anomaliest of anomalies, then couldn't it be possible for things to work out for someone actually suited for staying alive in this world, too?]
I'm n-not good at math, so, like. But fuck the odds -- right?! You gotta try, even if -- it looks stupid. What can you do after a-aaall of it, otherwise? If the world gets better and you can't -- enjoy it, then that sucks! You wanna live with your sister, so do it. Try. I got pushed down a hallway in a laundry cart yesterday, for fuck's s-sake! How fucking dumb and-and-and fun is that? I like living with -- Teo, and that's -- that's better than it was. Even if tonight I died because of your psycho dad being fucking psycho, or whatever.
[Teo's attention has slipped from Maddy, because in that moment, it's all on Ryder. Wonderful, perfect Ryder. Could he have managed the words? He's not so sure. But whether Ryder makes a dent or not, he's proud. He's so stupidly, achingly proud. He wants to squeeze her hand. He wants to hug her tight. He wants to beam at her with all the warmth he can muster, a smile for her and her alone.
He wishes they were alone.
Her hair is hanging in front of her face in its usual way. He's always liked it. Makes her seem a little like him, both a punk and in hiding. But he reaches out. With his free hand, just a slight tremor of fear that even this will infect her, he brushes her hair back behind her ear. His other hand keeps a grip on her sleeve, his anchor.]
Death... shows fast... you have to live... as much as you can... while you can... Second chances... only so often... but ours is... a good one...
[He glances to Maddy, who turns again before she can be caught staring. She's silent a long time, her arms up less in a defiant cross and more like she's trying to hold herself. Finally, she speaks.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
storywalks) wrote2021-11-17 08:42 pm
no subject
Ryder... [He pleads her name, worried. For her, of course. He turns back to the others.] We just... want to live... Just want...
[Maybe that's not all true. A second ago his dead heart felt alight with some hope, the chance of fixing his whatever went wrong in his past. The chance of a future. Now, he feels lost again. Cecily looks thrown off herself.]
You want to get rid of me?
[There's a pause and a scowl on Maddy's part.]
You wanted normal. This is it. Or would be.
[Cecily stares her down a moment, her expression twisting. She gives a shake of her head.]
She's right. You're being an asshole. But big surprise there, huh?
[Maddy doesn't flinch. Cecily breathes deep and turns to face the other Ryder.]
He's going to want us to come back, to confirm with him. You too. I know it sucks but... I can do the exchange alone after that and you won't have to deal with any of us ever again.
[She flashes the briefest glare at Maddy.]
no subject
...Still, Cecily couldn't stay with them, even if they wanted the same thing. Cecily being around meant no more days lazing about on a mattress or making the most of an abandoned kitchen. No more quietly reading like there wasn't a broken world on the other side of the wall. No more Teo being comfortable enough to let her see the most valuable weapons he had -- the teeth he hid with the gaiter and the heart that could empathize with the dead around them.
She wants to curl up beside him, bury her face in, and apologize until he knew she meant it. She shouldn't have snapped at the girls, or dismissed Cecily as a person, or spoken as if her harsh words were meant from the both of them and he didn't have his own right to decide these things. She can't, and doesn't think she could even if they were just the two of them the way it was supposed to be. Stomping down that feeling, Ryder steadies herself with a few more slow breaths. Her heart is still pounding at the walls of her ribs like they held onto all the anger that had boiled over before.]
...Fine. [Her mouth opens, more bitter words about how she would only play along if Maddy stopped treating them like fucking prisoners, but decides better with a sigh and a look away. It didn't matter. It was the way it had to be, if they wanted to get their lives back. With no enthusiasm, Ryder switches gears back into the lie she'd thought of too late. Maybe it would...help, somehow, even if it wasn't true. Or rather, there was truth to it in more ways than one, but it wasn't the right answer to satisfy Maddy's agitation.] ...Arrows. Teo -- uses a bow. Hard to mmm-make. Dig 'em back -- out, w-when s'safe. Don't do that again.
no subject
But wishes aren't going to change anything right now. He bobs his head to confirm Ryder's story.]
Try to keep... as many as... I can... No time for... finding more...
[Maddy frowns, her eyes narrowing a little at both he and Ryder. He's not sure if she believes it. But what other answer would there be? Him being a functioning undead is unthinkable, even when the evidence is right there.
Maddy turns away from them all. Her fists are tight at her sides.]
Cecily. Head back early before he realizes you've slipped watch.
[Cecily scowls at Maddy, but even aside that, there's a shine to her eyes like she's fighting something down. It doesn't quite leave even when she turns a weak grin on them.]
See you guys soon. Pretend we haven't met, okay? The old man's a real dick about stuff like this.
[She darts out quick and fluid. There's a quiet to her steps just like Maddy, trained and careful no matter how much more normal she might try to behave.]
We'll go in a few more minutes, so she has the head start.
no subject
Ryder's shoulders slacken a bit and there's a strange groaned, growled exhalation of her resigning herself once again to this situation. Ugh, she wants to crawl inside Teo's ribcage and sleep there for a decade.]
So... Th'fuck's your problem?
[In general, but also: gesturing to the door? That Cecily deal?? Hello???]
You pull -- that shit and wanna -- talk shit a-about my partner?
[Yes, amazing topic to pass the time for the next few minutes.]
no subject
For a long moment, it doesn't seem like Maddy's going to say anything at all.]
...Cecily is talented. She's a good shot and in our old days she could take on even the toughest jobs with ease. But being skilled isn't the same as being fit for this.
Our father has high standards. He also doesn't need two soldiers, as you put it. We were trained from the beginning to take one another on in the case of a mistake. There's no room for weakness or hesitation in our work. We have to be ready to do what must be done.
Cecily isn't ready. She wants a different life bad enough that it makes her sloppy. Our father isn't afraid to cull one from the herd for the sake of a stronger herd. I was the one to cut down those who turned against Cecily and I. But there is no one left.
[She doesn't say it, but with the full horrifying picture made clearer, Teo realizes that he and Ryder aren't the only ones in danger. His hand finds Ryder's sleeve, gripping tight.]
There are plenty she could be useful to, but she needs people who are useful to her as well. [Maddy turns to them, expression flat, maybe even a little resentful that they couldn't be the people Maddy was hoping they'd be.] It was a shot in the dark. I can't be surprised it didn't hit.
no subject
Dude, fuck your dad. [Is she stupid? She's probably stupid. (Is "she" supposed to be Ryder or Maddy? Yes. But mostly Ryder, because she isn't considering that this is exactly the kind of offense that would have gotten them in trouble, were it there group. Good thing they're just inept idiots that probably relied on luck more than skill, right?)] Seriously? He's th-the one -- turning against you. Fucked up your whole l-life! Who th'fuck he think -- he is? The two of y-you can leave.
[Like, Ryder is also thinking that they should kill the guy, but seeing as he's not her dad, it's not exactly her call to make.]
You know w-what you're doing... You -- can just leave. A-and live.
no subject
[Maddy looks at Ryder, staring her directly in the eyes. But her expression is more blank than it is a challenge.]
You think he's just going to roll over? Let both his soldiers go, his life's work, and shrug it off? Or are you suggesting that the person who trained us is going to be that easy to get the jump on?
[If it had been a challenge, it would've been one Maddy lost. She looks down at the floor, her arms folded.]
Besides. I am fit for this. The person Cecily wants me to be doesn't exist.
Don't think... any person's... fit... for something like that...
The zombies seem fine with it.
If you think that... you haven't... really been seeing them...
[Maddy scoffs at that. As if she wants to get any closer to a bunch of raging hungry corpses. Frankly, this whole experience just adds to her point. She's not friendly-normal-person material.]
no subject
I'm just -- going to pretend I'm not talking to you! [She might be able to get words out better that way. ...Doubtful, since it's still her dumbass brain stringing the words together and she's still wound the fuck up. But: not talking to Maddy. Already this is an improvement.] S-so we've got -- these sisters, and one of 'em is either gonna -- die because zombies because her heart -- i'nt in it, or because Daddy said so after seeing -- her heart not being in it.
And then the other's trying to get rid of her so she doesn't have to get rid of her because she's -- the one that matters. Wants to protect her. From her dad. Only, if he sees that -- wouldn't he just fucking kill 'em both? Because then sh-she's more than the mission, to the one that kills people with stuff more than -- than the mission.
And if that is the case, then they can live and be miserable until they -- die, or they can leave and live until they die. Or maybe they can -- just live.
[If she's still alive and getting to dip her toe into what living is like again thanks to Teo, a certified miracle, the wonder before her eyes, the most anomaliest of anomalies, then couldn't it be possible for things to work out for someone actually suited for staying alive in this world, too?]
I'm n-not good at math, so, like. But fuck the odds -- right?! You gotta try, even if -- it looks stupid. What can you do after a-aaall of it, otherwise? If the world gets better and you can't -- enjoy it, then that sucks! You wanna live with your sister, so do it. Try. I got pushed down a hallway in a laundry cart yesterday, for fuck's s-sake! How fucking dumb and-and-and fun is that? I like living with -- Teo, and that's -- that's better than it was. Even if tonight I died because of your psycho dad being fucking psycho, or whatever.
no subject
He wishes they were alone.
Her hair is hanging in front of her face in its usual way. He's always liked it. Makes her seem a little like him, both a punk and in hiding. But he reaches out. With his free hand, just a slight tremor of fear that even this will infect her, he brushes her hair back behind her ear. His other hand keeps a grip on her sleeve, his anchor.]
Death... shows fast... you have to live... as much as you can... while you can... Second chances... only so often... but ours is... a good one...
[He glances to Maddy, who turns again before she can be caught staring. She's silent a long time, her arms up less in a defiant cross and more like she's trying to hold herself. Finally, she speaks.]
Let's just go...
[She heads for the door.]