Ooh. Do we get a prize for having awful 'parents'?
[She really would like a prize... Nothing good was coming from it otherwise. She goes back to her bored supervising of V, who worries over her out of place fingers in what might be some sort of nervous habit.]
V is equally irritating. He should have figured, though he's not exactly surprised either.]
You're not lying. But that doesn't mean you're telling the truth.
You don't like pain. You've admitted that, the moment you had the chance and the choice to. And yet, what else have you been given? You've tried to be good. And what have you got to show for it? You've had this supposed love dangling over your head while you sit, beg, and rollover. You're telling me you're not tired of it? Do you really think that it's the only option? You could've bitten their fingers by now. [Like Lotte would.] Or you could've run away the moment the door opened wide enough. It's a big world out there.
You've got a chance to get the collar off. But you're not a stupid mutt. You have to be able to ask for it. Do you want to be free or not?
[It's a talent, she thinks, how she can get a rise out of him without even trying. Then again, his personality wasn't a treat. It probably wasn't that hard -- even V could do it!]
Tch. What do you want me to say? I dunno what your deal is, but I was supposed to be their ideal daughter.
[Couldn't he tell? So cute, so pure, with beautiful long hair to brush and fawn over and flawless skin. Perfectly obedient. Perfect.
Or she could be a terrible gremlin who only waits a few beats into V's troubled, overwhelmed thinking before giving a loud, exasperated sigh.]
I told you, she isn't smart enough for this sort of thing. Funny, right? How I'm the one that's defective.
[But hey, she was right: even V could piss him off. As much as she might normally bask in that fact, she's really not in the mood. Seeing herself so useless and blank, eager to please... If she plays around too much being cute, chirpy, snarky, anything but how she really is, she's going to puke. What comes out is basically vomit made of frustration anyway.]
You think she can make a meaningful choice? She's been busy downing the koolaid for who knows how long. I didn't bring her here with some fairytale dream of a future family, all I did was rescue her from the trash so I could recycle her into something that's more than an airheaded doll made to please.
Look. I'm tired. I'm sick of finding them just to find out there's nobody there, or for the ones with any sense at all to kill themselves as soon as they realize there's something other than the same thing they've always done! Why should I have to risk becoming one of them by trying to actually exist for myself? She's here so she can be the prototype this time! Don't bother looking for anything more than that or a dog.
[There's a snap impulse to say that he had good parents. But no, that's not true. Dad knew full well he existed, even why and he still let all of that happen. Ichigo could forgive, but he sure as hell wasn't going to.]
I had a family. The ones involved in my creation weren't it.
[And he says nothing more on the matter. She probably won't believe him. She didn't believe he had sisters either.
He stares at V and he listens to Lotte speak. The frustration is obvious. He gets that too. Sometimes he'd screamed his rage to the skies in lieu of a better option back then. Even that hope, that brief sense of thinking maybe, maybe there were similar beings out there who got it, is too familiar. The hope hadn't lasted long but the fact it ever existed makes his teeth grind.
He looks away from her.]
Then she's useless. If she wants to be a tool, then she'll be one. No need to waste our time further.
But in that case, you need to write a letter and explain what you need and you'll need to teach her how to play the part. We'll still need to send her to the vultures to get what we need and get her out. Then you can do what you want with her. I don't care.
We're also going to need plane tickets for Japan unless you've got a better method. We're heading to Karakura town.
[Him having a family explains a lot, really. How he could empathize and strive for better despite the horrors their lives were. She doesn't doubt the sisters now -- it almost makes her want to laugh. Is that why he put up with so much of her bullshit? She doesn't laugh though, and she doesn't give in to the need to cry, scream, or break things out of furious frustration, either. She just sits there, breathing a little harder than normal from her rant, and watches him dismiss a girl that looks so much like her. Does that satisfy her? Make her want to knock his teeth so hard they pushed his eyes out? There's something, she thinks. All these years and no one's been able to make her understand the intricacies of all these feelings that overwhelmed her.
V, to her credit, looks disappointed at not having matched up to expectations -- never mind that she wasn't given a fair chance. She wasn't enough. She made a mistake. She wasn't any good at all... Deflated, she glances over to the other golem like she might get some encouragement from her. All she sees is Lotte struggling before forcing herself to look composed enough to be bored. All it does is make her look more like a wounded tiger desperate to leap from her cage at her master's throat, pacing back and forth, waiting. Trying not to give up and decide she'll never, ever, ever be free.]
If you clean up my crime scene super nicely, we can use that man's credit! As long as we can ditch the cards before anyone figures out he's dead and not just on vacation, it'll be no problem!
[The cheer in her voice is more strained than it should be. What the fuck. She used to be good at this.]
Not that I think he'll be missed much. She might be, by some of his poker buddies~
[Unnecessarily, she jerks her thumb at V, who gives her an odd little frown in return before drifting off to sit at Zan's feet instead of the more familiar set. That does actually make Q laugh a little bit.]
[She doesn't comment on his family and he thinks, good. He is not and is never going to be in the mood to explain the whole situation there. It will never be more than a sour taste in his mouth and a dull ache where his heart isn't.
He takes in the sight of both of them, V at his feet like he's going to protect her, Q before him trying to pretend she isn't bursting her seems with rage and agony. He can't stand the sight of either of them.
He makes a faint Chh to be told to clean up her mess-- the only thing he's cleaning up is the soul left behind. The gold light that is his eyes in the mask flashes when she continues, a growl on his breath.]
Remind me to rip the rest of them apart when we come back. [Because he sure as hell isn't staying in Karakura, let alone Japan.] And give me a direction. That bastard's soul is far too weak at the moment to just pick out. His wallet better be easy to find.
[Her giggle stumbles into something more genuine, if only for a fraction of a second.]
Ahh, I knew I could count on you! [She didn't. She's pushing her luck, and as if she's eager to test the breaking point, she sweetly adds,] A-ni-ki~
[Before he can rush over and strangle her -- a genuine concern -- Charlotte flops down into her chair again. Besides, he deserves it. Whether he meant to or not, whether it was something she would have done anyway or not... She raises one arm, finger aloft in the direction she'd come from, but it can only delay the compulsion for a short while. Not long enough for her to feel like she's getting to cling onto some semblance of pride.]
Six and a half miles, southwest. Past the bar and the basketball court. Sage place with plastic bags covering a broken window. Door connecting to the garage is unlocked. Don't bother breaking in the front.
[She brings her arm back to cover a fake, exaggerated yawn. The other command isn't an immediate concern.]
Mmm, what do we still have stocked here...? Got any snacks? [Not that she needs to eat, or that food actually tastes like anything more than different states of clay to her. The real curiosity,] Soap? Running water? Hairbrush? No electricity, right?
[Too many safehouses, not enough care to maintain them. Oops. It's still raining if the water's shut off at this one, at least. Cold, scraggly water for cold, scraggly girls.]
[He makes a face as she calls him that, not that she can see it. It occurs to him that she's following a command, but he doesn't actually have time to fuck around with this. None of them have the time.
Which is why he wastes none of it crossing the room. In the instant he crosses, his clothes shift and become the white shihakusho. The sword materializes strapped to his back.]
I don't use blowdryers.
[The door is pulled open and in an instant, he's leapt into the air itself and vanished.
It's some time before he's back. There's no food left for them at the safehouse, he simply doesn't have that kind of self-control. There is, however, soap and even a comb, the water evidently still working here. Apparently not entirely a gremlin. Possibly.
But he comes back with a wallet and the satisfaction of watching Hell's gates open up and swallow the bastard whole. It's been a while since he's seen those. He walks in the door almost looking like a teenager again.]
Oy!
[The moment he sees Lotte, he's tossing the wallet to her.]
[The girl that turns in her seat and catches the wallet has warped fingers on one hand, in addition to Lotte's face. V looks up from her "prize" to the boy, stunned for a beat before hastily getting to her feet. Of course she would, ready to comply, even if -- ]
Q wouldn't let me help, so she's still combing her hair.
[Her hair, just as long and just as white, is drying in neat, wispy curls in a way that suggests the pair had started on her, first. It looks soft enough to match her voice, which could have been identical to Q's if the other ever bothered to soften anything.
She knows what a wallet is, but it's still strange to hold one herself. She also knows that she doesn't really want to open it unless she wants a reminder of that man, and instead tucks it away into the pocket of her hoodie. The smile she offers can barely be called that, as small as it is and accompanied by eyes that looked exhausted from all the crying she'd done earlier.]
I...know you want her with. I can get her for you. Even if it's me, she has to listen.
[After all, she also craved to be loved, underneath everything. She, too, would do as she was told.]
[He stills the moment he spies those crooked fingers. Even before she looks up, he realizes his mistake. He doesn't want to deal with this. He doesn't want to deal with her.
His sharp eyes watch her as she moves to him. He listens to her speak without expression. She's soft and sad and utterly pitiful. And just like always, just like he's long since learned things work, the other shoe drops.
He snarls at her, all but snapping his teeth. He feels fury bubble up from his empty core. He turns his face from her, disgusted.]
You think I want that? As if this isn't enough of a pain in the ass?
[He goes to find a chair, dropping into it.]
She pulls you up out of hell and you're still ready to step on her fingers for any bit of freedom she gets. Where have I seen that before? I wonder.
[The girl flinches, though she doesn't step away from him and she does her best to straighten her spine a moment later. He moves instead, but V tries not to fold to his demeanor all the same, gaze following. Trust him isn't something she's compelled to follow anymore, and she knows there's no point in trying to appease him, but... Her fingers, as he mentions metaphorical ones, shift to press her nails into the wallet. She has to. She can't make mistakes.]
Isn't that her? [Her words are clear despite how quiet she's speaking. By Q's own admission, V is little more than her new guinea pig.] ...I am grateful. I didn't like living that way. But Q is the reason we're being made to go at all. There are people you don't want to see, aren't there? And I... [Well.] Isn't it better for everyone if we leave when we can?
[His eyes flick up. He doesn't like that challenge but he's a little intrigued to see her bothering at all.
He hears her out. That she confirms she hated that life tells him that she has some sense to know that things aren't okay. But even still...]
... You don't get it. Even if it is better, it defeats the point. Whether you're dragged to a prison or dragged to something you want, you're still being dragged. There's going to come a point where that collar gets real tight. You can either choke to death or break free... and if you're holding the leash, how do you think that's going to end for you either way it shakes out?
[She doesn't respond right away, but her serene, tired smile wears down even further. Finally, she moves back to her own chair and sits at the edge, proper but uncomfortable, even as assured as she seems to be in her own words.]
It doesn't work like that.
[There is no more tightening of the collar, and there certainly isn't a consequence for having it at the limit from the start. She tried.]
She knows... There is no "do or die" for something like us. It isn't a real choice they'll let you make, and even though they hate it when you try, they'll do anything but kill you. The collar never gets tight enough. [But then, if she's on the other side...?] If I told her to come here, would she kill me? Or did your words mean nothing?
[V's eyes fall away from him again.]
It doesn't matter. I have to be a good girl... So I won't cause her trouble. You don't want that.
[He's snapping but he doesn't care. He can see she's uncomfortable. Good, he thinks. He rolls his eyes.]
You're a construct and you're compelled to do what everyone says. You're so useful they won't kill you even if you're miserable. Blah, blah, I get it. That's not the point. Do you like being used? Do you like being broken, turned inside out, made to serve no matter how it hurts or how little you have left? Do you think she does?
[He straightens, sneering.]
If you told her to come here, she'd do everything she could to spite you. You'd be lucky that I wouldn't kill you, but that's because you're going to set her free.
[Her shoulders droop, and she decides to keep to herself the time she hadn't known better. They already think she's stupid, so they don't need to know how she'd chosen to do nothing and expected it to be over, just like that. How could she have guessed otherwise, when all she'd known was orders? What she'd thought was a choice was...exciting. A hope that burned out immediately, because "dying" isn't something that happens when you're only made up of parts of children that died specifically for your creation.]
...I have to do it in order to be loved. How I feel about it...
[That doesn't matter, either. Not when things are so empty. Her bent fingers comb through a patch of her hair, thinking it's odd that he calls it luck.]
[He's surprised to hear himself say it. It makes him feel sick immediately. He shouldn't know what love is. It's not as if he can feel it. Not really. But--
There was a girl giving them strength to fight. There was their mother. There he was with the old man speaking to Ichigo one last time--
No. He doesn't know love. It would be useless to him anyway.
He stares at her for a long moment, face unreadable.]
...My master, we'll call him, tried to erase me. He wanted to use my power without me being there at all. He took everything from me and just about everyone we knew pitched in to make it happen.
[He's never told Lotte this story. It would've been weak. He's not sure why this is different.]
I fought. He won. He dragged us down, for whatever amount of myself I was. He called me to the chopping block and I knew there was never an option. Same old story, same old stupid end.
Except, I'm here. I'm speaking to you, free, on my own, and alive. None of that should be possible. But I don't care what's supposed to be possible or not. If something needs to be done, I'm going to do it. I've pulled off impossible a dozen times. I don't see what the hell one more is.
[She looks up at him again, confused utterly by his words. That...had to be the way it was. That's how it's written into her very self. She can hear it like a constant whisper in her ear.
Be a good girl. In order to be loved, you're not allowed to make mistakes.
She wants to be loved.
...Her head hurts.]
She told me to trust you. I think that must mean she really believes you can help her. [Her glassy eyes narrow, fighting to hold back tears that might not even come. Do people run out of tears? Do constructs?] And...if you can... That means I'll be free, too? I'll be first?
[It sounds unbelievable, another error in some magic code ingrained in her. Impossible. He's really made the impossible happen?]
Is it... [She rubs at her bad fingers, not sure what it is she wants to ask. It feels too presumptuous or like doubt. She should just be glad they're bothering with her at all, when it wasn't like she was worth doing the impossible for -- and now, she doesn't know if she could handle that littlest bit of hope being ripped away from her again. Eventually, still at a loss, V bows her head and defaults to the simplest feeling she can find, besides Mother's insistent rules. Like she imagines many of her feelings are, it doesn't feel correct.] ...Please take care of me.
[Lotte is wrangling her hair into her signature pigtails as she wanders in, clean white pajamas taking the place of her wet clothes. She hasn't heard much of anything, but the bit she has caught there at the end has her rolling her eyes.]
Ugh. They're always being gross. Oh! [She'd been speaking to the boy, but it's only then that she registers what that means. Looking almost excited, she claps her hands together.] Aniki! You're back! Did you have fun? Let's go!
[There's a moment when she notes she'll be free first, where he wonders if she won't just run off as soon as she is. He's sure he could catch her, but it would be a pain, especially in Karakura. He can't go about so easily there without drawing attention. He's not even sure he'll be able to avoid it for this venture of theirs.
Who will be the first to jump? Some nobody shinigami? The remaining Vizards? Ichigo's friends? Or will Dad actually rise up just to see him down?
But this girl, she goes for the throat in an entirely different way. His eyes fix on her, sharp. Take care of me. He's never bent easily to a demand. Only those small requests in his existence, cutting through the deepest darkness, one greater than all else. Save us.
Just her. Only her, among dozens, hundreds. He'd turn their soul inside out and they'd blend into each other, for her.
Lotte chooses that time to be boisterous and he just barely manages to bring his attention back with a light shake of his head.]
Chh. You're the one wasting time! We've been waiting out here!
[Last time he was given a request like that, everything had been undone and rewritten. He doesn't know what this will mean.]
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storywalks) wrote2021-08-12 07:08 pm
no subject
Ooh. Do we get a prize for having awful 'parents'?
[She really would like a prize... Nothing good was coming from it otherwise. She goes back to her bored supervising of V, who worries over her out of place fingers in what might be some sort of nervous habit.]
Of...course. Why would I want to lie?
[She has to be a good girl.]
no subject
[That implied Aizen was- no.
V is equally irritating. He should have figured, though he's not exactly surprised either.]
You're not lying. But that doesn't mean you're telling the truth.
You don't like pain. You've admitted that, the moment you had the chance and the choice to. And yet, what else have you been given? You've tried to be good. And what have you got to show for it? You've had this supposed love dangling over your head while you sit, beg, and rollover. You're telling me you're not tired of it? Do you really think that it's the only option? You could've bitten their fingers by now. [Like Lotte would.] Or you could've run away the moment the door opened wide enough. It's a big world out there.
You've got a chance to get the collar off. But you're not a stupid mutt. You have to be able to ask for it. Do you want to be free or not?
no subject
Tch. What do you want me to say? I dunno what your deal is, but I was supposed to be their ideal daughter.
[Couldn't he tell? So cute, so pure, with beautiful long hair to brush and fawn over and flawless skin. Perfectly obedient. Perfect.
Or she could be a terrible gremlin who only waits a few beats into V's troubled, overwhelmed thinking before giving a loud, exasperated sigh.]
I told you, she isn't smart enough for this sort of thing. Funny, right? How I'm the one that's defective.
[But hey, she was right: even V could piss him off. As much as she might normally bask in that fact, she's really not in the mood. Seeing herself so useless and blank, eager to please... If she plays around too much being cute, chirpy, snarky, anything but how she really is, she's going to puke. What comes out is basically vomit made of frustration anyway.]
You think she can make a meaningful choice? She's been busy downing the koolaid for who knows how long. I didn't bring her here with some fairytale dream of a future family, all I did was rescue her from the trash so I could recycle her into something that's more than an airheaded doll made to please.
Look. I'm tired. I'm sick of finding them just to find out there's nobody there, or for the ones with any sense at all to kill themselves as soon as they realize there's something other than the same thing they've always done! Why should I have to risk becoming one of them by trying to actually exist for myself? She's here so she can be the prototype this time! Don't bother looking for anything more than that or a dog.
no subject
I had a family. The ones involved in my creation weren't it.
[And he says nothing more on the matter. She probably won't believe him. She didn't believe he had sisters either.
He stares at V and he listens to Lotte speak. The frustration is obvious. He gets that too. Sometimes he'd screamed his rage to the skies in lieu of a better option back then. Even that hope, that brief sense of thinking maybe, maybe there were similar beings out there who got it, is too familiar. The hope hadn't lasted long but the fact it ever existed makes his teeth grind.
He looks away from her.]
Then she's useless. If she wants to be a tool, then she'll be one. No need to waste our time further.
But in that case, you need to write a letter and explain what you need and you'll need to teach her how to play the part. We'll still need to send her to the vultures to get what we need and get her out. Then you can do what you want with her. I don't care.
We're also going to need plane tickets for Japan unless you've got a better method. We're heading to Karakura town.
no subject
V, to her credit, looks disappointed at not having matched up to expectations -- never mind that she wasn't given a fair chance. She wasn't enough. She made a mistake. She wasn't any good at all... Deflated, she glances over to the other golem like she might get some encouragement from her. All she sees is Lotte struggling before forcing herself to look composed enough to be bored. All it does is make her look more like a wounded tiger desperate to leap from her cage at her master's throat, pacing back and forth, waiting. Trying not to give up and decide she'll never, ever, ever be free.]
If you clean up my crime scene super nicely, we can use that man's credit! As long as we can ditch the cards before anyone figures out he's dead and not just on vacation, it'll be no problem!
[The cheer in her voice is more strained than it should be. What the fuck. She used to be good at this.]
Not that I think he'll be missed much. She might be, by some of his poker buddies~
[Unnecessarily, she jerks her thumb at V, who gives her an odd little frown in return before drifting off to sit at Zan's feet instead of the more familiar set. That does actually make Q laugh a little bit.]
no subject
He takes in the sight of both of them, V at his feet like he's going to protect her, Q before him trying to pretend she isn't bursting her seems with rage and agony. He can't stand the sight of either of them.
He makes a faint Chh to be told to clean up her mess-- the only thing he's cleaning up is the soul left behind. The gold light that is his eyes in the mask flashes when she continues, a growl on his breath.]
Remind me to rip the rest of them apart when we come back. [Because he sure as hell isn't staying in Karakura, let alone Japan.] And give me a direction. That bastard's soul is far too weak at the moment to just pick out. His wallet better be easy to find.
no subject
Ahh, I knew I could count on you! [She didn't. She's pushing her luck, and as if she's eager to test the breaking point, she sweetly adds,] A-ni-ki~
[Before he can rush over and strangle her -- a genuine concern -- Charlotte flops down into her chair again. Besides, he deserves it. Whether he meant to or not, whether it was something she would have done anyway or not... She raises one arm, finger aloft in the direction she'd come from, but it can only delay the compulsion for a short while. Not long enough for her to feel like she's getting to cling onto some semblance of pride.]
Six and a half miles, southwest. Past the bar and the basketball court. Sage place with plastic bags covering a broken window. Door connecting to the garage is unlocked. Don't bother breaking in the front.
[She brings her arm back to cover a fake, exaggerated yawn. The other command isn't an immediate concern.]
Mmm, what do we still have stocked here...? Got any snacks? [Not that she needs to eat, or that food actually tastes like anything more than different states of clay to her. The real curiosity,] Soap? Running water? Hairbrush? No electricity, right?
[Too many safehouses, not enough care to maintain them. Oops. It's still raining if the water's shut off at this one, at least. Cold, scraggly water for cold, scraggly girls.]
No blowdryer for us, V.
no subject
[He makes a face as she calls him that, not that she can see it. It occurs to him that she's following a command, but he doesn't actually have time to fuck around with this. None of them have the time.
Which is why he wastes none of it crossing the room. In the instant he crosses, his clothes shift and become the white shihakusho. The sword materializes strapped to his back.]
I don't use blowdryers.
[The door is pulled open and in an instant, he's leapt into the air itself and vanished.
It's some time before he's back. There's no food left for them at the safehouse, he simply doesn't have that kind of self-control. There is, however, soap and even a comb, the water evidently still working here. Apparently not entirely a gremlin. Possibly.
But he comes back with a wallet and the satisfaction of watching Hell's gates open up and swallow the bastard whole. It's been a while since he's seen those. He walks in the door almost looking like a teenager again.]
Oy!
[The moment he sees Lotte, he's tossing the wallet to her.]
Let's get going.
no subject
Q wouldn't let me help, so she's still combing her hair.
[Her hair, just as long and just as white, is drying in neat, wispy curls in a way that suggests the pair had started on her, first. It looks soft enough to match her voice, which could have been identical to Q's if the other ever bothered to soften anything.
She knows what a wallet is, but it's still strange to hold one herself. She also knows that she doesn't really want to open it unless she wants a reminder of that man, and instead tucks it away into the pocket of her hoodie. The smile she offers can barely be called that, as small as it is and accompanied by eyes that looked exhausted from all the crying she'd done earlier.]
I...know you want her with. I can get her for you. Even if it's me, she has to listen.
[After all, she also craved to be loved, underneath everything. She, too, would do as she was told.]
no subject
His sharp eyes watch her as she moves to him. He listens to her speak without expression. She's soft and sad and utterly pitiful. And just like always, just like he's long since learned things work, the other shoe drops.
He snarls at her, all but snapping his teeth. He feels fury bubble up from his empty core. He turns his face from her, disgusted.]
You think I want that? As if this isn't enough of a pain in the ass?
[He goes to find a chair, dropping into it.]
She pulls you up out of hell and you're still ready to step on her fingers for any bit of freedom she gets. Where have I seen that before? I wonder.
no subject
Isn't that her? [Her words are clear despite how quiet she's speaking. By Q's own admission, V is little more than her new guinea pig.] ...I am grateful. I didn't like living that way. But Q is the reason we're being made to go at all. There are people you don't want to see, aren't there? And I... [Well.] Isn't it better for everyone if we leave when we can?
no subject
He hears her out. That she confirms she hated that life tells him that she has some sense to know that things aren't okay. But even still...]
... You don't get it. Even if it is better, it defeats the point. Whether you're dragged to a prison or dragged to something you want, you're still being dragged. There's going to come a point where that collar gets real tight. You can either choke to death or break free... and if you're holding the leash, how do you think that's going to end for you either way it shakes out?
no subject
It doesn't work like that.
[There is no more tightening of the collar, and there certainly isn't a consequence for having it at the limit from the start. She tried.]
She knows... There is no "do or die" for something like us. It isn't a real choice they'll let you make, and even though they hate it when you try, they'll do anything but kill you. The collar never gets tight enough. [But then, if she's on the other side...?] If I told her to come here, would she kill me? Or did your words mean nothing?
[V's eyes fall away from him again.]
It doesn't matter. I have to be a good girl... So I won't cause her trouble. You don't want that.
no subject
[He's snapping but he doesn't care. He can see she's uncomfortable. Good, he thinks. He rolls his eyes.]
You're a construct and you're compelled to do what everyone says. You're so useful they won't kill you even if you're miserable. Blah, blah, I get it. That's not the point. Do you like being used? Do you like being broken, turned inside out, made to serve no matter how it hurts or how little you have left? Do you think she does?
[He straightens, sneering.]
If you told her to come here, she'd do everything she could to spite you. You'd be lucky that I wouldn't kill you, but that's because you're going to set her free.
no subject
...I have to do it in order to be loved. How I feel about it...
[That doesn't matter, either. Not when things are so empty. Her bent fingers comb through a patch of her hair, thinking it's odd that he calls it luck.]
Do you really think it's possible?
no subject
[He's surprised to hear himself say it. It makes him feel sick immediately. He shouldn't know what love is. It's not as if he can feel it. Not really. But--
There was a girl giving them strength to fight. There was their mother. There he was with the old man speaking to Ichigo one last time--
No. He doesn't know love. It would be useless to him anyway.
He stares at her for a long moment, face unreadable.]
...My master, we'll call him, tried to erase me. He wanted to use my power without me being there at all. He took everything from me and just about everyone we knew pitched in to make it happen.
[He's never told Lotte this story. It would've been weak. He's not sure why this is different.]
I fought. He won. He dragged us down, for whatever amount of myself I was. He called me to the chopping block and I knew there was never an option. Same old story, same old stupid end.
Except, I'm here. I'm speaking to you, free, on my own, and alive. None of that should be possible. But I don't care what's supposed to be possible or not. If something needs to be done, I'm going to do it. I've pulled off impossible a dozen times. I don't see what the hell one more is.
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Be a good girl. In order to be loved, you're not allowed to make mistakes.
She wants to be loved.
...Her head hurts.]
She told me to trust you. I think that must mean she really believes you can help her. [Her glassy eyes narrow, fighting to hold back tears that might not even come. Do people run out of tears? Do constructs?] And...if you can... That means I'll be free, too? I'll be first?
[It sounds unbelievable, another error in some magic code ingrained in her. Impossible. He's really made the impossible happen?]
Is it... [She rubs at her bad fingers, not sure what it is she wants to ask. It feels too presumptuous or like doubt. She should just be glad they're bothering with her at all, when it wasn't like she was worth doing the impossible for -- and now, she doesn't know if she could handle that littlest bit of hope being ripped away from her again. Eventually, still at a loss, V bows her head and defaults to the simplest feeling she can find, besides Mother's insistent rules. Like she imagines many of her feelings are, it doesn't feel correct.] ...Please take care of me.
[Lotte is wrangling her hair into her signature pigtails as she wanders in, clean white pajamas taking the place of her wet clothes. She hasn't heard much of anything, but the bit she has caught there at the end has her rolling her eyes.]
Ugh. They're always being gross. Oh! [She'd been speaking to the boy, but it's only then that she registers what that means. Looking almost excited, she claps her hands together.] Aniki! You're back! Did you have fun? Let's go!
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Who will be the first to jump? Some nobody shinigami? The remaining Vizards? Ichigo's friends? Or will Dad actually rise up just to see him down?
But this girl, she goes for the throat in an entirely different way. His eyes fix on her, sharp. Take care of me. He's never bent easily to a demand. Only those small requests in his existence, cutting through the deepest darkness, one greater than all else. Save us.
Just her. Only her, among dozens, hundreds. He'd turn their soul inside out and they'd blend into each other, for her.
Lotte chooses that time to be boisterous and he just barely manages to bring his attention back with a light shake of his head.]
Chh. You're the one wasting time! We've been waiting out here!
[Last time he was given a request like that, everything had been undone and rewritten. He doesn't know what this will mean.]
Let's get this over with!