[His eyes flick up. He doesn't like that challenge but he's a little intrigued to see her bothering at all.
He hears her out. That she confirms she hated that life tells him that she has some sense to know that things aren't okay. But even still...]
... You don't get it. Even if it is better, it defeats the point. Whether you're dragged to a prison or dragged to something you want, you're still being dragged. There's going to come a point where that collar gets real tight. You can either choke to death or break free... and if you're holding the leash, how do you think that's going to end for you either way it shakes out?
[She doesn't respond right away, but her serene, tired smile wears down even further. Finally, she moves back to her own chair and sits at the edge, proper but uncomfortable, even as assured as she seems to be in her own words.]
It doesn't work like that.
[There is no more tightening of the collar, and there certainly isn't a consequence for having it at the limit from the start. She tried.]
She knows... There is no "do or die" for something like us. It isn't a real choice they'll let you make, and even though they hate it when you try, they'll do anything but kill you. The collar never gets tight enough. [But then, if she's on the other side...?] If I told her to come here, would she kill me? Or did your words mean nothing?
[V's eyes fall away from him again.]
It doesn't matter. I have to be a good girl... So I won't cause her trouble. You don't want that.
[He's snapping but he doesn't care. He can see she's uncomfortable. Good, he thinks. He rolls his eyes.]
You're a construct and you're compelled to do what everyone says. You're so useful they won't kill you even if you're miserable. Blah, blah, I get it. That's not the point. Do you like being used? Do you like being broken, turned inside out, made to serve no matter how it hurts or how little you have left? Do you think she does?
[He straightens, sneering.]
If you told her to come here, she'd do everything she could to spite you. You'd be lucky that I wouldn't kill you, but that's because you're going to set her free.
[Her shoulders droop, and she decides to keep to herself the time she hadn't known better. They already think she's stupid, so they don't need to know how she'd chosen to do nothing and expected it to be over, just like that. How could she have guessed otherwise, when all she'd known was orders? What she'd thought was a choice was...exciting. A hope that burned out immediately, because "dying" isn't something that happens when you're only made up of parts of children that died specifically for your creation.]
...I have to do it in order to be loved. How I feel about it...
[That doesn't matter, either. Not when things are so empty. Her bent fingers comb through a patch of her hair, thinking it's odd that he calls it luck.]
[He's surprised to hear himself say it. It makes him feel sick immediately. He shouldn't know what love is. It's not as if he can feel it. Not really. But--
There was a girl giving them strength to fight. There was their mother. There he was with the old man speaking to Ichigo one last time--
No. He doesn't know love. It would be useless to him anyway.
He stares at her for a long moment, face unreadable.]
...My master, we'll call him, tried to erase me. He wanted to use my power without me being there at all. He took everything from me and just about everyone we knew pitched in to make it happen.
[He's never told Lotte this story. It would've been weak. He's not sure why this is different.]
I fought. He won. He dragged us down, for whatever amount of myself I was. He called me to the chopping block and I knew there was never an option. Same old story, same old stupid end.
Except, I'm here. I'm speaking to you, free, on my own, and alive. None of that should be possible. But I don't care what's supposed to be possible or not. If something needs to be done, I'm going to do it. I've pulled off impossible a dozen times. I don't see what the hell one more is.
[She looks up at him again, confused utterly by his words. That...had to be the way it was. That's how it's written into her very self. She can hear it like a constant whisper in her ear.
Be a good girl. In order to be loved, you're not allowed to make mistakes.
She wants to be loved.
...Her head hurts.]
She told me to trust you. I think that must mean she really believes you can help her. [Her glassy eyes narrow, fighting to hold back tears that might not even come. Do people run out of tears? Do constructs?] And...if you can... That means I'll be free, too? I'll be first?
[It sounds unbelievable, another error in some magic code ingrained in her. Impossible. He's really made the impossible happen?]
Is it... [She rubs at her bad fingers, not sure what it is she wants to ask. It feels too presumptuous or like doubt. She should just be glad they're bothering with her at all, when it wasn't like she was worth doing the impossible for -- and now, she doesn't know if she could handle that littlest bit of hope being ripped away from her again. Eventually, still at a loss, V bows her head and defaults to the simplest feeling she can find, besides Mother's insistent rules. Like she imagines many of her feelings are, it doesn't feel correct.] ...Please take care of me.
[Lotte is wrangling her hair into her signature pigtails as she wanders in, clean white pajamas taking the place of her wet clothes. She hasn't heard much of anything, but the bit she has caught there at the end has her rolling her eyes.]
Ugh. They're always being gross. Oh! [She'd been speaking to the boy, but it's only then that she registers what that means. Looking almost excited, she claps her hands together.] Aniki! You're back! Did you have fun? Let's go!
[There's a moment when she notes she'll be free first, where he wonders if she won't just run off as soon as she is. He's sure he could catch her, but it would be a pain, especially in Karakura. He can't go about so easily there without drawing attention. He's not even sure he'll be able to avoid it for this venture of theirs.
Who will be the first to jump? Some nobody shinigami? The remaining Vizards? Ichigo's friends? Or will Dad actually rise up just to see him down?
But this girl, she goes for the throat in an entirely different way. His eyes fix on her, sharp. Take care of me. He's never bent easily to a demand. Only those small requests in his existence, cutting through the deepest darkness, one greater than all else. Save us.
Just her. Only her, among dozens, hundreds. He'd turn their soul inside out and they'd blend into each other, for her.
Lotte chooses that time to be boisterous and he just barely manages to bring his attention back with a light shake of his head.]
Chh. You're the one wasting time! We've been waiting out here!
[Last time he was given a request like that, everything had been undone and rewritten. He doesn't know what this will mean.]
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storywalks) wrote2021-08-12 07:08 pm
no subject
He hears her out. That she confirms she hated that life tells him that she has some sense to know that things aren't okay. But even still...]
... You don't get it. Even if it is better, it defeats the point. Whether you're dragged to a prison or dragged to something you want, you're still being dragged. There's going to come a point where that collar gets real tight. You can either choke to death or break free... and if you're holding the leash, how do you think that's going to end for you either way it shakes out?
no subject
It doesn't work like that.
[There is no more tightening of the collar, and there certainly isn't a consequence for having it at the limit from the start. She tried.]
She knows... There is no "do or die" for something like us. It isn't a real choice they'll let you make, and even though they hate it when you try, they'll do anything but kill you. The collar never gets tight enough. [But then, if she's on the other side...?] If I told her to come here, would she kill me? Or did your words mean nothing?
[V's eyes fall away from him again.]
It doesn't matter. I have to be a good girl... So I won't cause her trouble. You don't want that.
no subject
[He's snapping but he doesn't care. He can see she's uncomfortable. Good, he thinks. He rolls his eyes.]
You're a construct and you're compelled to do what everyone says. You're so useful they won't kill you even if you're miserable. Blah, blah, I get it. That's not the point. Do you like being used? Do you like being broken, turned inside out, made to serve no matter how it hurts or how little you have left? Do you think she does?
[He straightens, sneering.]
If you told her to come here, she'd do everything she could to spite you. You'd be lucky that I wouldn't kill you, but that's because you're going to set her free.
no subject
...I have to do it in order to be loved. How I feel about it...
[That doesn't matter, either. Not when things are so empty. Her bent fingers comb through a patch of her hair, thinking it's odd that he calls it luck.]
Do you really think it's possible?
no subject
[He's surprised to hear himself say it. It makes him feel sick immediately. He shouldn't know what love is. It's not as if he can feel it. Not really. But--
There was a girl giving them strength to fight. There was their mother. There he was with the old man speaking to Ichigo one last time--
No. He doesn't know love. It would be useless to him anyway.
He stares at her for a long moment, face unreadable.]
...My master, we'll call him, tried to erase me. He wanted to use my power without me being there at all. He took everything from me and just about everyone we knew pitched in to make it happen.
[He's never told Lotte this story. It would've been weak. He's not sure why this is different.]
I fought. He won. He dragged us down, for whatever amount of myself I was. He called me to the chopping block and I knew there was never an option. Same old story, same old stupid end.
Except, I'm here. I'm speaking to you, free, on my own, and alive. None of that should be possible. But I don't care what's supposed to be possible or not. If something needs to be done, I'm going to do it. I've pulled off impossible a dozen times. I don't see what the hell one more is.
no subject
Be a good girl. In order to be loved, you're not allowed to make mistakes.
She wants to be loved.
...Her head hurts.]
She told me to trust you. I think that must mean she really believes you can help her. [Her glassy eyes narrow, fighting to hold back tears that might not even come. Do people run out of tears? Do constructs?] And...if you can... That means I'll be free, too? I'll be first?
[It sounds unbelievable, another error in some magic code ingrained in her. Impossible. He's really made the impossible happen?]
Is it... [She rubs at her bad fingers, not sure what it is she wants to ask. It feels too presumptuous or like doubt. She should just be glad they're bothering with her at all, when it wasn't like she was worth doing the impossible for -- and now, she doesn't know if she could handle that littlest bit of hope being ripped away from her again. Eventually, still at a loss, V bows her head and defaults to the simplest feeling she can find, besides Mother's insistent rules. Like she imagines many of her feelings are, it doesn't feel correct.] ...Please take care of me.
[Lotte is wrangling her hair into her signature pigtails as she wanders in, clean white pajamas taking the place of her wet clothes. She hasn't heard much of anything, but the bit she has caught there at the end has her rolling her eyes.]
Ugh. They're always being gross. Oh! [She'd been speaking to the boy, but it's only then that she registers what that means. Looking almost excited, she claps her hands together.] Aniki! You're back! Did you have fun? Let's go!
no subject
Who will be the first to jump? Some nobody shinigami? The remaining Vizards? Ichigo's friends? Or will Dad actually rise up just to see him down?
But this girl, she goes for the throat in an entirely different way. His eyes fix on her, sharp. Take care of me. He's never bent easily to a demand. Only those small requests in his existence, cutting through the deepest darkness, one greater than all else. Save us.
Just her. Only her, among dozens, hundreds. He'd turn their soul inside out and they'd blend into each other, for her.
Lotte chooses that time to be boisterous and he just barely manages to bring his attention back with a light shake of his head.]
Chh. You're the one wasting time! We've been waiting out here!
[Last time he was given a request like that, everything had been undone and rewritten. He doesn't know what this will mean.]
Let's get this over with!